aw, i’ve actually been requested that a couple times before !

in Cookie Clicker, press F12 to open the console, then paste in the following :

var temp=Game.getNewTicker.toString(); temp=temp.replace( "'News : '+Math.floor(Math.random()*1000+2)+' miners trapped in collapsed chocolate mine!'", "'News : '+Math.floor(Math.random()*20+2)+' kittens found a loving new home this week!'" ); Game.getNewTicker=new Function(temp.substring(temp.indexOf('{')+1,temp.lastIndexOf('}')));

the appropriate news bit should be replaced by something a bit more cheerful !
hope this helps !